No, it’s not a real word–I just made it up five minutes ago.

Yes, I fear it will happen.

What is it, you ask? defines the term “atrophy” as a “wasting away of the body or of an organ or part, as from defective nutrition or nerve damage.”

It is not the death of ska music for those of you who were thinking it.

This is actually my major anxiety about a break from regular derby practice.  What if my skills and gains atrophy?  We’re in the midst of several months off and I find myself growing ever-restless to get back to practicing.

At the end of the season, I felt like I’d made significant gains at every level.  I felt stronger, faster, and had a better grasp of strategy.

In the meantime, I’ve been working pretty hard off-skates with a focus on strength training, endurance, and martial arts.

Some of which I hope will translate visibly to strapping my skates back on come January.

Part of having anxiety disorder is a significant fear of being behind everyone else.  Especially when it’s something that takes work for me, physically and mentally.  

I’m not a gifted athlete.  I’m not even really an athlete at all. I’m just someone who has to release the stress somewhere, whether it be pounding the pavement for a few miles or knocking people over on skates or throwing the famed arm-bar.  I like exercising and I apparently have a competitive streak that didn’t develop until I was in my 30s.

My husband, my friends, my teammates–all of them have told me “it will be fine.”  But, the nervous section of my brain is worried I’ll be sprawled on my ass at the first scrimmage whistle.

How to overcome this strange and lingering fear?
1. Stop making up words.
2. Jiujitsu on skates (somehow, I doubt my jiujitsu instructor would be okay with this–skates on mats probably is just bad all over the place).
3. Jiujitsu while running–also not a swell idea.
4. Keep all my sports separate and strive for balance (yes, that’s the true and serious answer).

We’re still working on #4.


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